Sunshine

The is shining all the time . And it keeps getting warmer. I love it when it rains. I wish that I would have been able to run in the rain the other night though. Good thing I didn't though. I may have ended up swimming. Not too much going on . Went for a run in The Woodlands the other day and ran with Karen. Some people she runs with joined us. I have never been to these trails so it was a nice change. I even saw a armadillo. I love seeing those little guys. They can move so fast! It was a very nice trail with lots of turns and some little hills. I really need to pick my running back up. I have been a big slacker these days. What is wrong with me!! I have a goal for myself but need to look at the races that are going on. But I think that I am going to try my hand at doing a 50 miler. Of coarse only when it is cooler. And I want it to be in Huntsville. I really enjoy that park and running it. We will see how things unfold for me and what lies ahead.

Is my mind going???

I have a lot on my mind these days. I thought a nice walk in the park would help. Which it did. It was so peaceful sitting on the bench looking at the water. I even managed to dooze off for about 20 minutes. I just sat there looking at Taylor climb this very strange looking tree. It had the perfect spot to just sit and relax and that is just what she did. I am going to miss my Taylor so much. She is going to visit Chris for the rest of June, but will be back the first of July. This is on my mind.

I need to make some personal changes in my life. At times I become very needy and don't know why. I need to learn to back off and give people their space instead of being like a little dog always nipping at the heels. I do care a lot and sometimes it takes on its own form and it is overkill. Sometimes being too nice is too much. I can't change who I am and can't say I want to. But I can modify it. will work on that next.

Next thing I need to change is the job situation. I need to make more money. I love the school but it has put a financial burden on me and my family and I have to make a change. I loving being able to spoil my loved ones.

My Nana has been sick and is definatley losing her mind. I wish I had more time to visit her. But it does hurt to see her that way. Afer Shyanne died I think I put up a mental block of some kind. The other day my Nana said she saw Shyanne. After hearing that a wave of sadness took over. I don't tell people but I miss her. Even as I write this I am crying. She was so smart and funny. After finally saying it I even feel better now.

LOVE

I have love on the mind. I give it and I love receiving it. It is the best feeling in the word to be loved and to give it. I say it and mean it. What does love mean to me? How do you express love? Or even put it into words? The feeling I get from loving someone is indescribable. The first time I met Bill I got such a feeling of excitement in my stomach. To this day I get the same feeling everytime I see him. It is amazing. The love a mother feels for a child is nothing I can describe.
My definition of love is caring about someone so deeply that my life would be very different with out them. There would always be a little piece of myself missing if they passed away or left me. My life is incomplete when you are away and I would do anything to protect you or to make you happy.

“Love is an incredibly powerful word. When you’re in love, you always want to be together, and when you’re not, you’re thinking about being together because you need that person and without them your life is incomplete” (Sophocles).

LP RUN

LP Run

Well tonight I ran this run called the LP Run for the first time. It consisted running around a track as much as you can in 33:32 minutes. I went in their confident but soon found my ass handed to me. It is bad when you are lapped 4 times by a 60 year old. Funny thing is I didn’t do that bad. A little over 4 miles. After about my 4th lap I started to see spots. It was so hot. So I tried to pace my self and did pretty good. I would have liked a fast mile.

Well in the end I must not have done too bad cause I managed to win 1st place in my age division. You should of seen the look of surprise on my face when they said “ Andrea Cox.” I am in a weird age bracket, but I hope to speed up my time and win some more, Maybe some gift cards or something would be nice. I am going to keep on training. The only thing that will stop me is this heat. It is getting a lot tougher to go run. I really enjoy my long runs still at the slower pace. I’m not giving up on being a distance run yet. I will be able to hit that 30 miler one day. All is good with the knee. Actually it feels great. It is so nice to not have that pain. I feel like I am getting back to my old self.

I know deep down I was born to run. As a child I had a natural ability to run. I always excelled in it. In school being named Most valuable in track and in cross country. I should of never given it up for as long as I did. My dad wanted to know when I was going to run my next race. He wants to come and watch me. He said he misses me and loves seeing me run. My parents were always so proud of me and enjoyed seeing me excel in everything that I did. I always was a winner when it came to running though. That is how I got the nickname Rabbit because I was so fast. Wish I was that fast again. I guess age has caught up with me.

Trolley Run

It was a great weekend! Well I say that because I had time to relax . I miss my babies being home and look forward to having them home soon.

Bill, Shaina, and I ran the Bellaire 5K Trolley run on Saturday. It was so hot! I was happy with my performance. My time was 24:35 . It shows me 7th in results but it looks like their was a male put in their so I am saying I came in 6th in my age bracket. I wish I would of placed. And that is my down fall. I think I could of gave just a little bit more and I could of placed. I will place next time for sure. I want one of those little trolley's.

All in all great weekend. I love being outside and this is one of my favorite times of the year. Bill and I had a wonderful 4 mile run today. I love running on the trails. I feel so relaxed and enjoy the scenery. The smell was wonderful. It took me back to being in Pin oak and walking through the woods. I loved going there as a child and walking through the woods looking for arrowheads . For my dad the best part of being in the woods was being one with nature and him screaming "You have to shit in the woods". Or he thought you should run naked through the woods. Never did but I always get a good laugh out of it.

It was a great day

Well I am starting to feel better and I am accepting my schedule with Taylor. All though it hurts I only want her to be happy. I don't understand how courts can say this is best for a child. To me it seems like a bunch of jumping around. All though it is 50/50. I wish I had more. I have to learn to move on and understand that my baby loves me no matter what and I will always be her mom. And no one will ever take my place.

I had a great run with my sweetheart. I am running more trails in preparation for my 30mile trail run. I know it must drive Bill crazy but I can just stare at him all the time and be happy. It is a feeling that I can't describe. I have married my true love. He may not ever understand but I did know 11 years ago that I loved him. I was always so excited to spend time with him and talk to him. And to this day I still get the same feeling when I am around him. I get so excited and happy inside. It is the best feeling and I know it will never end.

I feel wonderful and I am looking forward to a great weekend with my family. Fun times are ahead.

Lonely blogger

I feel like my blog is my personal diary. If you don't write much in it people don't follow it. Which I think is good at times. I think with my heart and not with my brain alot. I have decided that being nice gets me no where. I guess I have to learn to be a bitch. Wish me luck. I am going to need it. If I could go into a room I would want to scream right now.

Taylor is sick . I hate the fact that I have to send her to Chris's sick. He doesn't know what he is doing. He will push the responsibilities to someone else as usual. She needs her mom. And wants her mom. I guess I will learn how to deal with it.

I was hoping to have a nice run with Taylor and Bill but it isn't going to happen. I guess I will spend my time running the treadmill. I get so bored on that thing. But at least I won't freezer. Any way I'm going to try to blog more.

My heart hurts

Well I have finally come to a settlement with Chris regarding our daughter. Not exactly what I wanted because I wanted her all the time. I am selfish in that way, but I love my daughter so much. I made a choice that I thought was best for my family . Not everyone agrees and it does hurt me. I was given advise and the thought of spending less time with Taylor rippped my heart out. It was shire panic. I have never had a panic attack , but last night had one. I felt like some one was ripping my heart out and punching me in the stomach. The pain was unbearable. All I could do was cry and I couldn't stop. I know I am a great mom. I know I messed up at the beginning and that is why I have the out come that I did. When I get like this I just want to lay and sleep. When I get down I don't eat or drink anything. It drains me mentally and physically. I am hoping to bounce out of my funk soon. I need support not be told that I was wrong . I plan on running tomorrow atleast 5 miles. I am looking forward to feeling better and enjoying the greenbelts with Taylor and maybe Bill if he joins us.

I hate to be told that I am weak. I'm not weak. I can put up with anything. I am a true beleiver in karma. So I hold my head up high knowing that I am a good person. The good guy never finishes first though. But I can go away knowing that I am a good person with a great heart.